Global Outrage? More Like Global Shrug, Except Italy (Bless Their Hearts)
Sources close to, well, *everyone*, confirm that government offices worldwide are abuzz with activity, drafting strongly-worded emails and sternly-toned press releases . The diplomatic community, renowned for its swift and decisive action in the face of, well, *anything that won't upset key allies*, is reportedly considering suggesting that Israel perhaps 'reconsider' its definition of
'self-defense' to include 'allowing aid into a besieged territory'. Revolutionary stuff, truly. The United States, ever the stalwart arbiter of international law (when it suits them), has issued a statement urging 'all parties to exercise restraint.' This, of course, refers primarily to the unarmed civilians attempting to deliver food and medicine, and only secondarily to the highly-armed military
seizing said food and medicine. A former senior White House official, speaking anonymously as all brave whistleblowers do, commented, 'We are deeply concerned about the optics. It makes it harder to pretend this isn't happening.' Meanwhile, the valiant populace of Italy, demonstrating a truly baffling grasp of priorities, has called for a general strike. One unnamed Italian union leader heroically
declared, 'We will not stand by while Palestinians suffer! Also, we'd really like to extend our lunch breaks.' Their commitment to international solidarity is commendable, and utterly out of step with the rest of the 'developed' world, who prefer to express their solidarity via a retweet and a LinkedIn post about 'global challenges.' European nations, after much deliberation, have decided to